SILENCE IS A KILLER!!!

I have realized in the past few couple of months how badly I feel like I need to be accepted by everyone. And it's not just that I feel like I alone need to be accepted, but I feel like what I do needs to be accepted also. This can place a lot of stress on me and it's so frustrating sometimes. The first time I started realizing it was when I sent out our wedding announcements- Andrew and I spent a lot of time working with our invitation girl on those and I was so excited to see the final product and to share it with my family and friends. I remember showing people or people saying they got it and they never said if they liked it, or even if they didn't like it! It's the silence that kills me. That is when my mind starts to wander and then I convince myself that those people don't like it and then I stress over it and think about how I could've done things better.

I just had an experience where I had to ask one of my friends if she was mad at me- I sent her an email and then... silence.... nothing.... my stomach literally felt like it was going to either jump out of my mouth or fall out of my butt! After I heard back from her, my stomach was still so sick and the thought of eating, moving, or doing anything at that moment was next to impossible! (even though things were okay with her!- it's just the lingering strands of stress that are silently killing me!)

(This is how I felt... :)!! )

I don't know why I feel like i have to be accepted all the time. Maybe it was because when I was younger I was a follower and felt like I had to prove myself by doing things (or by owning really cool Roxy clothes) :) And maybe that has just followed me into my adulthood. I just hate it when people are mad at me or show indifference towards me or things I do- it eats away at me. So moral of the story: Please always act really excited about things I show you! Even if you just have to fake it! haha.

the end.